


And If you did Ask..

by i_am_zan



Series: A DGM Fanworks Initiative 2K17 (run by Kitty Bandit)/from tumblr [3]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Gen, I should call this part 2, Introspection, Lavi spends at least 3 months in that chair, there's gotta be a lot of musing, yet more
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 10:57:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11251707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_am_zan/pseuds/i_am_zan
Summary: Day 3: D. Gray-man Fanworks Initiative 2K17: Domestic; Home & Comfort.Bookman Junior has too much time to think whilst in captivity. The one true thing he really does think is "how the hell can I get out of this?", because he must think that a lot and he wonders about his friends and if anyone might be coming for him at all...





	And If you did Ask..

**Author's Note:**

> “For, what with my whole world-wide wandering,   
>  What with my search drawn out thro’ years, my hope   
>  Dwindled into a ghost not fit to cope" - Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came, Robert Browning

And if you care to ask, what he’d like is some food, and water. Or maybe wine. Company too. Not the old dried up stick of an old man. No offense there Gramps. Just you know wishing. 

 

On the other hand, just good old anything from Jerry would great. Sitting opposite Yuu, with thunderclouds above his head. In a few minutes, Lenalee will come across. She’s rushing again, because she wants to bring the post-lunch coffee to the Science Division and her brother. She says a lot of the time it is just to make sure that Komui doesn’t invent anything new that will inadvertently annihilate them. Then – just to counter Yuu’s clouds, Allen will bring his hoard of food and sit with them. The sunlight brightness of the hair and eyes. 

 

The hope and the heart that the Destroyer of Time wears on his sleeve, because Lavi isn’t allowed to. He wears smiles on his face and holds his thoughts in place and tries not to let them stain his visage. They all know anyway. 

 

Lenalee caught him out on their way to Edo, several times. Through his tears and the harsh words that escape him when bottling it up gets too much and knows because she sensed it through the strength of feeling of his arms around her. Allen knows because he’s seen him make the choices with Road playing games in his head, and saw what he was like after he saw the true sould of Eliade that time with Krory. What of Yuu? Yuu has always known. It isn’t just years of fighting back to back. It isn’t just years of vacillating between swirling silences and tongue-in-cheek taunts, teases and supercilious meanness. He does not know that he can put a name to it.

 

He does not know if he can, should or be allowed to give a name to the familiarity of the warmth there. They never say anything, none of them do, but they know, and they let him be, because the façade is his and it is a part of who he is. They have all accepted it.

 

The lies have become truth the smiles are real these days, but now it’s all moot anyways. Home and comfort, and the lies, masks and truths are all jumbled up inside of him and a million miles away. He is no one, he has nowhere, and perhaps it is for the best. Sometimes, only sometimes. It hurts – more than that ugly feeling inside, under his skin. All this torture. 

 

He smiles and the only comfort he gets is that the old man is next to him, and still willing him to be all Bookman-ish and it twists inside of him and yet it is what he knows. Twisting and comforting at the same time. He wonders if he will ever find (a) home again. He wonders if he will wander in perpetuity with no name.

"~"~"~"

FIN 

**Author's Note:**

> With that obstreperous joy success would bring,—   
> I hardly tried now to rebuke the spring   
>  My heart made, finding failure in its scope.” – Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came, Robert Browning
> 
> Also if you've noticed I love this poem a lot, and have used it throughout the series bar one. 
> 
> Once again thank you for reading my meagre offerings. I apologise that I am not better or can write longer pieces. - Zan


End file.
